This Bares No Title

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I’ve been trying not to comment on these kinds of things, but lately I’ve read way too much and I’m feeling sick.  The abuse stories, I’ve been reading about from the gaming communities, is sickening to my soul.  

For the longest time, I wanted to be a streamer and or podcaster.  The gaming community, I found, in the World of Warcraft, was truly unique.  I wanted to be part of it, I wanted to give back.  I felt I could help people, through my gaming and life experiences.

Now, I’m not even sure I want to be present in it.  I’m feeling nothing but pain, from strangers.  This makes me want to step away but in the same, it makes me angry.  Angry in such a way, I only feel motionless disgust.  It’s sitting deep in my stomach and it’s not leaving.

I have been losing my desire and passion for virtual gaming communities.  This has been going on for quite awhile, with me.  I’ve started to game more and more, with my real life friends, who I trust and know.  

I’m heartbroken, when I hear about the abuse people take in the gaming communities taken.  I don’t understand how or why?  These poor humans have gone through hell.  Most had come to these communities and games, for support.  It’s meant to be a fun hobby, with people like yourself.

I read a story yesterday, from a new Twitch streamer, I started to follow.  Her story of abuse, she took in her past, was truly heartfelt.  It was unreal what this poor soul went through. She is a strong person, to be where she is now.  I hope it inspires others to leave that scary corner and speak out.

Today, I read another story and this time it was about a WoW podcaste.  A show, I used to listen to too.  This woman’s story was so stricken in pain and confusion. I wanted to respond back with support and courage.  I didn’t think it was my place, she doesn’t know me. This strong willed woman, faced demons of the past, and disgusting predators.  It made me sit at my desk, staring at my phone in disbelief.  There was not a thing I could say or do, that would ever be able to heal their pain.  In the end she is still here and that shows tremendous courage and passion for life. 

Though this next story is not related to sexual abuse, it still falls in the side of gaming community abuse.  One of my favorite podcasts had an incident last week.  A listener, who is a big contributor, got harrassed, by a nameless person. This person went as far to message this poor guy and tell him not to contribute to the podcast.  How in the fuck can anyone do this to another person? If you don’t like something, that does not give you the right to attack the source.  Don’t listen, fast forward, it’s not that difficult.  This contributor has had some bouts with social anxiety.  The community has helped him through it. To me, he is the true hero.  Each week he finds the creativity to draft a story and the bravery to call in, to voice it as his character.  It’s truly unique and a highlight of the show.

I know every tale has two sides.  it is best to listen, before you make a determination.  Yet, if these stories are true, I can only wonder.  What is wrong with these humans? I’m sorry, if I’m already judging but after reading the stories, it’s difficult not to.  

I’ve seen lots of other comments, from other streamers in communities.   There is one Twitch community, in which I’ve belonged to.  They received a lot of heat for things, their higher ups might have done. With truth being told, I’m no longer a member there.  I know not everyone there was part of that story, but I will not stay part of that community.

I’ve come to games to escape reality and to have fun.  Streaming to me, was a way to share my thoughts on games, in which I enjoy.  To have the public listen to my friends and I tell stories, as we unconventionally run dungeons.  I use social media to connect to my fellow gamers.  I like reading and listening to all their stories.  Today, I just don’t know what to think 

I recall at times in my own life.  Where people close to me, gave up or made drastic decisions through emotion or substance.  I never supported it then and I don’t now. There is not a day that goes by, where I don’t think about those friends.  If I had the ability to go back, to save them all, today, I would.

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